Look, we all love London, but do you have what it takes to become a true Londoner? Are you ready to …
… do the touristy stuff again and again and again and again every time someone comes to visit? If I have to discuss the merits of the London Eye once more I’m gonna blow my brains out all over the inside of one of those panoramic pods.
… begin talking to the pigeons you see on your walk to work in a vain attempt to make friends?
… have more intimate contact with strangers than your actual partners all in the hot, sticky and disturbing environment that they call the Tube?
… feel so judged by your postal code that you spend your lunch breaks browsing property adverts in the hope of reaching SW1? Hell you’ll even settle for SE25 6QT
… board the party machine that is the Night Bus (shout out for the N176!), where anything seems to go, except a lack of morals or alcohol?
… pay £20 for a cocktail that has had a better upbringing than you?
… keep telling yourself that your dingy shoe box filled with your fast-fading hopes and dreams is a promising, undeveloped home that just needs a lick of paint and a few trips to IKEA to become that Barbie Dream House?
… become disillusioned at the rank nepotism which oozes from every corner of the media industry?
… accept that you don’t have time/money to go to a cold yogalates class AND the opening of the guinea pig cafe? You have to pick one.
… see your best friend who lives on the other side of the city less than when you lived in different time zones?
… spend the same amount of time on public transport as you do re-watching old episodes of The OC and wishing Marissa had left the show earlier?
Have you answered 0-5 with yes? Sorry, but you are not going to make it. Keep it for 2/3 city trips a year.
Have you answered 5 – 10 with yes? You are going to be just screwed.
Have you answered more than 10 with yes? Congratulations! You are already a Londoner!